


Our Past Asunder, the Future a New Bloom

by sunnyyellowhouse



Category: Nashville (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-10-13 16:09:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10517208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnyyellowhouse/pseuds/sunnyyellowhouse
Summary: This story deals with two different timelines, Avery’s first proposal in S3 and the mysterious and unexplained return of their rings in S5.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is set between 3.8 and 3.9.

Avery probably should have anticipated the meltdown, especially when Juliette got teary at the ultrasound. The technician had settled the wand on Juliette’s belly, pressing gently as she pointed to the image of their unborn daughter sucking her thumb on the computer screen. She then casually handed Juliette a tissue as if it were routine that expectant mothers started crying upon seeing their babies wiggling and kicking around in the womb. He didn’t know, maybe it was. It had been an adorable moment but also another sobering reminder that there really _was_ going to be a baby. His ex-girlfriend had a new life nestled inside of her, one that he’d be partially responsible for. That thought both terrified and excited him - mostly terrified.

“I can get you a pic of that,” the tech said, moving her fingers over a keyboard.

Juliette touched her stomach and then grimaced when she got gel on her fingers. “Can you print out two copies?” she asked, casting a quick glance in his direction before blotting her eyes again with the tissue.

“Oh, sure. One for the grandparents.”

Neither one of them corrected her. It was just easier that way.

Juliette held on to both pictures as they headed across the parking lot towards his truck. He slowed his steps to keep pace with her. She had told the doctor what he’d noticed when he’d picked her up from her house, she didn’t have the energy she used to have. She did have just a bit of a waddle going, and it was adorable - but he would never mention it to her.

It took her two attempts to lift herself into the passenger seat and Avery stood nearby, ready to steady and lift her if she needed help. He was grateful when she didn’t. He’d learned after helping her unzip her dress after the CMA Awards. It was hard to touch her. His hands didn’t want to pull away afterwards.

He closed her door and walked around the truck, digging the keys out of his pocket as he reached for the door handle. They were cautiously managing a new version of their friendship, one he hoped would remain constant after their daughter was born. They needed to be partners in this. He’d realized that after months of trying to convince himself that being there for his child was different than being there for his ex. Right now it was the same thing. That meant learning Lamaze so he could be her birthing partner and today, it had meant picking her up for a doctor’s appointment. Financially she didn’t need anything from him; Juliette could have gotten any couture baby crib she wanted and not even blinked at the cost. The crib he’d purchased (after returning the first one) had cost several extra shifts and almost all of his meager savings, but he wanted her to know he’d do his fair share as a father.

He pulled out of the parking lot, making a left onto the busy street. “Do you need anything before I take you back home? You hungry?”

She’d settled back into the seat with one hand resting on her bump. “Actually, since you asked…could you stop by McDonald’s?”

He shot her a look. “McDonald’s?” Definitely not a place she usually frequented.

She sighed. “I’ve been craving a milkshake. One of those Arctic Orange ones. Have you ever had one?”

He frowned. “I think maybe as a kid.”

“I’ve been thinking about it all day,” she said, rubbing her stomach. “Longer than that actually.”

“Orange milkshake. No problem.”

The truck rumbled beneath them as he made a few turns and found the nearest McDonald’s. He let the car idle at the drive-thru as he asked for the shake, only to be told they didn’t carry Arctic Orange.

“Not for years,” the disembodied voice floated through the car, more than a bit of mirth in the tone.

“Uh, okay.” He turned to Juliette. “You want something else? Strawberry?” She shook her head and he pressed on the gas, directing the car towards the exit. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay,” she said, her voice wavering.

Avery glanced at her and was surprised to see her bite her lip and then lean forward, covering her face with a hand as she started sobbing. Loudly.

He was at a loss. She couldn’t possibly be crying over an orange milkshake. Could she? That would be almost ridiculous.

“I’m sorry,” she said, lifting her head to wipe her eyes. “I just wanted…and I’ve been thinking about it all week and they don’t…” The rest of the sentence merged into one long wail.

Avery Barkley had no idea how to deal with this. “Juliette.” He jerked the truck into a parking spot. “It’s okay. I’ll go in and get you something.” Anything to make her stop crying. “You want vanilla? Chocolate?”

“No,” she whined. “I wanted orange.” She wiped her tears with her palm. “I’m sorry,” she said again, but she couldn’t seem to stop the tears…or the sniffling.

He searched the car for a napkin while wracking his brain. Arby’s had a shake…but that was coffee flavored, not orange. Hardee’s was a long drive and he wasn’t sure they had something beyond the basic flavors. He found a napkin crumpled under his visor and handed it to her.

She blew her nose and gradually the tears stopped. “I’m guess I’m just feeling a little more hormonal than usual.”

“So you’re okay now?”

“I think so.” She dabbed at her eyes again. “You can just take me back home and let me deal with my crazy pregnant lady hormones.”

Juliette gave him a half-hearted, crooked smile and he blinked, letting his eyelids linger before he reopened them. As always, he was kind of in awe at how beautiful she was, even though her face was blotchy and her eyes were red and still shimmering with tears. “You sure you don’t want any other flavor? It’s gotta be orange?”

“Don’t worry about it, Avery. I’ll get over it.”

He let it be and got them back on the road, heading towards Belle Meade. An orange milkshake sounded pretty disgusting to him and try as he might he couldn’t think of any fast food place that sold anything like she was looking for. He didn’t even know anyone else who’d drink something like that except…he lifted his foot off the gas and slowed the car. JT.

Not too long after he’d first moved to Nashville, his friend had dragged him around for half a day in search of an amp - the cheaper the better. They finally found one they could afford in a modest guitar shop and the only reason Avery remembered was because JT forgot to unlock his car door and had left him standing on the sidewalk holding the amp while he ran into the restaurant next door and got himself a milkshake. He’d fussed when JT came back because the amp was heavy, it was near summertime and the sun had been mercilessly bearing down on him.

“Sorry, man,” JT had said. “Had to get this orange Dreamsicle. One of the best things about Nashville. You’ll see.” And then he wouldn’t stop going on about how good the damn thing was.

_What was the name of that place_? Avery drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, willing himself to remember. _Rock something_ …he smirked as the name finally flashed through his mind. “Do you mind a detour?” He asked. “I’ve got a quick errand to run.”

She sniffed and rubbed her stomach with both hands. “No, I don’t mind.”

It only took a couple minutes for him to get turned around and find his way. The guitar store had closed down but the restaurant next door was still in business. He parked on the street and ducked inside, returning to the car a few minutes later. “I have no idea if this tastes like the McDonald’s one,” he said as he handed the milkshake to her. “But it is orange.”

“Is it?” Her eyes brightened as soon as she tasted it. “Oooh, it’s good.” She took another long sip before looking up at him. “Thank you, Avery.”

“You’re good then? No more tears?” He hesitated before turning the ignition, waiting for her response.

“No more tears,” she agreed. She was pleased with the shake and just like JT, kept talking about how good it was in between sips. “This is even better than McDonald’s,” she said. “Oh, baby’s kicking. She agrees.”

Without even thinking about it, Avery reached over to place his hand on her stomach and felt a thump against his palm. Their daughter’s kicks were getting stronger. “She seems pretty happy with it.” He reluctantly moved his hand back to the steering wheel so he could turn into her driveway.  Avery parked and got out, circling the car so he could open her door.

“Thanks for picking me up,” she said, juggling her purse and the shake as she stepped down. “Oh, before I forget.” Once her feet were on the ground she handed him one of the ultrasound pictures. “Baby girl’s picture.” She tapped her finger on the black and white image of their daughter. “It makes it a little more real, doesn’t it? Seeing her in there?”

It was the way she said it that finally clued him in on the real cause of her meltdown. It was happening. They were going to be parents in a few months and even though he knew they’d make it, sometimes thinking about it too much caused his heart to race. He suspected it was the same for her.

“It does,” he said, taking the picture from her. He glanced at the grainy image, the teeny fist next to the baby’s head. “I told you, we got this.”

“Yeah, I know.” She nodded and took another sip of her milkshake. “Thanks again, Avery. This put a smile on my face.”

And that was the thing. He used to live for her smile and he’d once wanted to make her happy in any way he could. They were tentative friends again and she needed his support right now, but that was no longer a part of their deal. But still, he found himself responding, “Anytime.” He watched as she started walking up the drive.

“I’ll see you.” She turned around to wave and then headed for the door.

He waited until she’d made it inside the house before getting back in his truck. The ultrasound picture was still in his hand and he looked at it again before setting it on the empty passenger seat. Avery put his truck in reverse and slowly backed out of her driveway, trying to make peace with the tangle of emotions he felt. With her, he just didn’t know where to draw the line between support and indulgence. But it wasn’t love, he insisted. It wasn’t.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so y'all just please trust me on this. It will all come together...somehow. This chapter is an extension of a scene from S5 episode 6. I don't really care for this new season as much as I'd hoped I would. I'm really sad that there's a need for a story explaining the rings at all. That's not something that should ever have been skipped on the show. Anyway, reviews are welcome as always.

The morning had been overcast but the clouds had cleared by the afternoon. It was a perfect day to be outside, warm with the barest whisper of a breeze.

Rayna ladled another spoonful of sugar into her second cup of coffee. “I know I shouldn’t but I always have liked it sweet.” She sat back in the chair and drank from the white mug. “Mm-hm, that is good.”

Juliette nodded, picking her own mug up from the patio table. “That’s Avery’s favorite. I think he said he got it from Ugly Mugs. Drew’s Brews or something like that.”

“Oh, that name sounds familiar. I think I met him before, that Drew guy.”

Juliette smiled behind the rim of her cup. “Of course you have.”

Rayna smiled back at her. Now that the business talk had been completed, Juliette was pleased to find that they’d settled into an easy conversation. When Rayna had called asking to come over, Juliette thought she’d just been wanting to check up on her again, but this time she actually didn’t mind because she was finally out of that wheelchair and had some real progress to show off. She’d been surprised about the offer - shocked that Rayna would want her back on HW65 considering their history. And then had been surprised again when she supported the idea of a gospel album. Juliette decided that this time, she’d listen to whatever advice the country legend would offer instead of brushing her off. She’d do her best to make it easy, especially since this album would be a huge gamble for both of them. She realized her fans, however many she had left, might not accept her new music.

They both looked up at the sound of a teeny hand pounding on the sliding door. “Mama!” Cadence’s voice was muffled through the glass but they could both see that she was upset.

“Baby girl, are you awake already?” Juliette reached for her crutches but Rayna put her hand out to stop her.

“I’ll get her.” She reached the door at the same time as Avery did on the other side.

He picked Cadence up and slid the door open. “Sorry about that. She woke up a little early from her nap,” he said.

The toddler called for her mother again, reaching towards her with one hand.

Juliette waved at the baby. “She can stay with us, Avery. I know you were working. And she’s got toys out here.”

“Okay.” Avery kissed his daughter’s temple and handed her off to Rayna.

“Oh, my goodness. Look at you,” Rayna said, patting Cadence’s back. “You are such a big girl now. Last time I saw you, you were just a wrinkled little button in your mama’s arms.” Cadence stared at Rayna for a few seconds and then immediately reached for her hair. “Babies always do that.” Rayna chuckled as she detangled the small fingers from her hair.

“Don’t think she’s ever seen anything like it before.” Juliette set her coffee down so she could hold her daughter on her lap. “Have you, baby girl? All that stupid perfect hair.” She looked up just in time to see Rayna roll her eyes.

“How did I manage to forget that precious comment?”

Cadence settled back on her mother’s lap, leaning against Juliette’s chest. “You’re still a little tired, huh?”

Rayna had returned to her chair and she sat back, crossing one long leg over the other. “How is motherhood treating you now, Juliette?”

“I love it.” She leaned over so she could inhale a whiff of Cadence’s hair. “I do. Took me a long time to get to place where I could honestly say that but I’m so thankful for every second with her.”

Rayna nodded. “I’m glad you were able to get help.”

“So am I.” Juliette shifted in the chair and put one arm around Cadence to hold her still. “After everything that’s happened, it’s hard not to think about all the time I lost and things I should have done differently. I fought so hard against being like Mama. I didn’t realize I was exactly like her. It wasn’t drugs but I’d drink when I was angry or sad. Then I was a drug addict just like her. I abandoned my family. It was my worst nightmare.”

“Maybe there’s some silver lining in that.”

Juliette had been reaching for her coffee but she stopped with her hand on the handle of the mug, confused by what Rayna had said. “What do you mean?”

“That was the worst, your worst nightmare come true but you made it through. You survived all of that. I understand exactly what you’re saying. We try so hard not to repeat the past and not to make the same mistakes our parents made.” She nodded at Cadence, “When Maddie was her age, if someone had told me that she’d one day want to be emancipated from me, I’d have never believed them. Not my baby. When she was born I promised her that I’d never be anything like my father. And yet somehow…” Rayna shook her head. “But we made it through that. That’s the silver lining I try to keep in focus.”

Juliette took a sip of coffee. “Sometimes we rail against the people who love us the most,” she said. “I don’t think Maddie knew exactly what she was doing.”

“Maybe.” Rayna shrugged and glanced at the sky. “But you’re right. Sometimes we push against the ones we should be pulling closer. And I think a lot of it was wanting to be in charge of choosing her own direction and I understand that. I wanted to raise my daughters up to be strong women. I think that’s so important, for women to be in charge of their own destinies but…I don’t know. Maybe I was too overprotective.”

“Is there such a thing?” Juliette asked with a laugh. “I wouldn’t know.”

“No, you don’t know. Right now you’re that baby girl’s safe haven. Soon she’s gonna want to spread her wings.”

Juliette’s smile was bittersweet as she smoothed her hand over Cadence’s shirt. “Have y’all talked about any of this since Maddie’s been back home?”

“Some. It’s difficult with teenagers, you know. And there’s a new boy involved.”

“I know. But I also know there’s a lot I wish I could say to my mama. We wasted so much time not talking to each other. Might be good if y’all just sit down and talk about it.”

Rayna tapped her fingers against her coffee cup. “You might be right about that.”

Avery slid open the glass door and stepped out on the porch. “Sorry to interrupt but Glenn’s here to see you, babe,” he said.

“That’s fine.” Rayna slid forward in the chair. “I should get back home anyway.” She stood and walked towards Juliette’s chair. “It’s good to see you doing well, Juliette.” She crouched and rubbed Cadence’s arm. “Be good to your mama, sweet girl.” She gave Juliette a wink and turned to leave. “She’s so laid back,” she said to Avery. “Must have gotten that from you.”

“She’s got a little sass like her mama,” he said.

“I believe it.” Rayna glanced at the baby again. “You two enjoy that baby girl. Time goes by so fast.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter fits in with S3 episode 10

Avery’s mother had baby fever. He understood; his daughter would be her first grandchild and she was excited. She was full of questions every time he spoke to her, which was a lot more often since she’d learned she was going to be a grandmother - no, not grandmother; she had decided she was going to be Nana. She asked about Juliette all the time, about morning sickness and weight gain and breastfeeding. She _always_ asked if they had any ideas about the name. Avery learned more about pregnancy superstitions than he ever imagined he would need to know. Heartburn meant this or that, while a craving for salty food meant something else entirely.

“That’s just an old wives’ tale.” He heard his father remark in the background.  

“Maybe,” his mother said. “But they also say not to put her arms over her head because…” Avery found himself tuning out her voice. She meant well, he knew that, but he could picture the look on Juliette’s face if he told her not to go outside during the full moon or else their baby would have a birthmark shaped like Finland or a mermaid’s tale or something equally disastrous.

“I mailed you a package,” she said, calling his attention back to the conversation.

“Really?” He smiled, thinking back to the care packages full of homemade cookies and new socks his mother would send him when he was at Ole Miss. There was nothing in the world like lying back on the bed in his dorm room and wiggling his toes in a cushy pair of socks while eating one of her butterscotch cookies.

“Well, it’s not for you, sweetheart. The baby.”

“Oh. Well, thanks.” He tried to hide his disappointment as the promise of warm toes and baked goods disappeared. “I’ll look out for it.”

That’s how it started. One small box of pink receiving blankets. And then a few baby books. Then the dam broke and he could expect to find something left propped against his door every few days. Boxes filled with onesies, bibs and teeny socks that were clearly not for him. And no cookies either.  He was thankful but slightly overwhelmed. How many bibs would she really need? What do you do with a burp cloth? Would they actually need the blue nasal thing? What if she wasn’t a snotty baby? _Please don’t let her be a snotty baby._

That particular “gift” disturbed him so much he asked his mother about it the next time they talked.

“Hey, at least you don’t have to do it the old fashioned way,” she said. “If you didn’t have an aspirator, you’d put your mouth over the baby’s nose and suck all the--”

“Oh, God, Mom.  Stop. That’s nauseating.” He put one hand on his stomach. _Please don’t let her be a snotty baby_.

His mother laughed, as if sucking a mouthful of snot out of your kid’s nose was the most normal thing in the world. “She’ll probably hate it too. Most babies do.”

“She wouldn’t be alone in that.” He left the boxes of baby items on the couch and headed for the kitchen. Maybe a cold drink would wash the image of what his mother had just said from his mind.

“Sweetheart, there is something I’ve been wanting to ask you.”

Something in her voice made Avery pause in the act of twisting the cap from the bottle of water. “Yeah?” He closed the refrigerator with his foot and leaned against the kitchen counter.

“I was just wondering if the baby will be a Barkley or if she’ll have Juliette’s last name.”

Avery was grateful that he’d already swallowed his first slow sip, otherwise he might have choked. He hadn’t even considered it. He’d assumed that Juliette would agree to…but they hadn’t discussed a name at all, either first or last. “I - I don’t know.” He hated admitting it, that he didn’t even know if his child would carry his name. That was basic. Something that, in his mind, shouldn’t have even been a question anyone would need to ask. Unfortunately, because of the circumstances, it was a legitimate topic of discussion.

His mother kept talking, completely unaware of the way his mind was churning. “I wanted to get something monogrammed - when you finally do pick out a first name for her, and I realized I don’t even know what her last name will be.”

“Yeah, I guess we need to talk about that.” He frowned, glancing back into the living room at the packages she’d sent. “Look, I’ll let you know about that but I’ve gotta leave in a few. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“All right.” She seemed surprised at the abrupt end to the phone call. “Avery, don’t worry about it. It’s okay if she’s a Barnes. She’ll still be ours.”

But it wasn’t okay. Not by a long shot.

* * *

Juliette was beaming when she opened her door, laughing as he juggled the packages and tried not to drop one as he stepped inside.

“More?” She asked, closing the door behind him. “It’s like Christmas every time you come over.” She followed him into the living room. “I’ve been getting so many gifts,” she said, stating the obvious. There were boxes stacked everywhere in the room. Juliette usually kept her house spotless and he was surprised she’d let it all pile up around her. “I was just going through everything and getting ready to put it all away before it takes over the whole house.”

Avery smirked as he set his mother’s gifts down. “Want some help?”

“Sure.”

He meant to ask her about the last name. He would have, but she kept oohing and aahing over the gifts and then she offered her guest room to him and before he knew it, he had his old key in his pocket. She was happy and talkative and if he didn’t know differently, he never would have suspected that she’d been a hormonal, jealous ex-girlfriend/stalker just a few days before. She was _friendly_ , dropping the word herself when he blurted out another question that had been sitting on his mind since he’d talked to his mother earlier. What would they tell their daughter when she was old enough to ask why she was being shuttled between the two of them? When she had a set of clothes and toys for Daddy’s and then another for Mama’s?

Juliette’s answer seemed easy enough, “We’ll tell her she came from a place of love and her parents became great friends.”

When he left her house to meet Sadie at the studio, he was still mulling over it. The first part of what she’d said was definitely true; their baby had been conceived in love. He’d fallen more and more in love with Juliette every hour of their relationship. The second part of her statement though…were they friends? That’s what he’d wanted them to be. A few months before when he’d found out about the baby, a friendship had been a tall order. It was too soon after their breakup, too soon after his heart had been shattered with the truth about her and Jeff. Things were different now, but still. He had to ask himself, were they friends like they’d been before they were dating? Is that really what he wanted to return to? She’d said she’d try her best to handle it better when he started dating, but how would he feel when she started dating again? He realized she wouldn’t stay single forever. There would be other men in the bed they’d shared. Other men in the house with their daughter (who might not even have his last name). Did he want Juliette coming to him in a few years, asking his advice about a new boyfriend?

No. Avery slammed his foot on the brake and jerked the gearshift into park. No. He didn’t want that at all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter happens directly after 5.09

Juliette startled awake, jerking her head off the pillow. The room was pitch black and she squinted into the darkness, rolling over and reaching for the man next to her. She moved closer so that they were sharing his pillow and wound an arm around his waist. Avery’s breaths were steady and even and on any other night, would probably have lulled her back to sleep. But not tonight. She rested her chin on his shoulder and hesitantly closed her eyes, not wanting to relive the scene she hadn’t been able to get out of her mind after they left the hospital. Rayna lying in the hospital bed unresponsive had been devastating enough, but her family crying over her…and then when Deacon had come out to tell them she’d passed he’d looked so utterly broken, as if a light wind would topple him over.

Rayna Jaymes was dead. And that just didn’t make any damn sense. For most of Juliette’s life, Rayna had been a light, a blazing beacon that she’d tried so hard to reach. At first, she’d wanted to surpass her, leaving the Queen of Country Music in the glittery dust of her wake. She’d been jealous and petty and sometimes, in rare moments of reflection, she’d ask herself why because she’d idolized that woman from the time she was a little girl. In the end it hadn’t even mattered because Rayna _was_ a queen. The real deal, as she would have said. Sometimes she was a diva that Juliette couldn’t stand - though she could relate to that impulse. And sometimes she was just herself. A woman who had been there and lived to tell the tale. She’d loved and had been deeply loved. And now Rayna, who’d both berated Juliette and stood beside her during some of her toughest times, was gone.

“Juliette.” Avery’s voice was thick with sleep but his arms were incredibly warm when he rolled over and put them around her. “Hey, come here.”

She hadn’t realized she’d started crying until he wiped her tears away. “I just can’t believe it.”

“I know.”

They’d had that exact conversation no less than five times on the way home from the hospital.

“For a second when I woke up I thought it was a nightmare. But it’s not.”

“No, baby. It’s not.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s all right,” he sighed. “I’ve been tossing and turning myself. It’s surreal.”

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “You know I met both of you for the first time on the same night?”

“At the Opry?”

She nodded, settling more into his side. “I was so mean to her. Just putting on an act so I could show her that I was just as good she was. I wish I could go back and change it now.”

“You were a kid, Juliette,” he said, his voice still gravely. “Do you know how much I wish I could change from back then? I was a selfish asshole.”

“I know. You told me. Even if I do find it kinda hard to believe.”

Avery rolled to lie on his back and spoke towards the ceiling. “Believe it. I made a lot of mistakes. Burned a lot of bridges. You guys might have been at odds with each other back then but Rayna cared about you, babe.”

“I know she did.” Juliette toyed with the edge of his pajama shirt, rubbing the soft cotton with her fingers. “I’ll never forget the first time I heard her singing. She was everything I wanted to be.” Her eyes welled with fresh tears. “And the girls. It’s just so unfair. Maddie and Daphne are so young to lose their mama.”

He tightened his hold on her, pulling her closer. “I keep thinking about Deacon. They’re technically still newlyweds and now she’s gone.”

Her fingers stilled as she considered what he’d just said. The two of them had also been newlyweds when she’d given birth to Cadence and the PPD struck. At least they had been able to find their way back to each other. “How do we help him? All of them?”

Avery exhaled slowly before responding. “Nothing we can do but be there, baby. They’re gonna be hurting for a long time.”

She moved her hand over his chest, thankful for his comforting warmth. “I don’t know if I can go back to sleep.”

He turned his head, staring at her for a moment before moving to brush his lips against her forehead. “I’ll hold you. Just rest.”

They were silent, both of them lost in their thoughts until exhaustion finally took over. Cadence woke Juliette up in the morning, the baby laughing into her monitor for once instead of crying.

“I got her,” she muttered, though Avery was still asleep. She rolled out of bed and carefully limped down the hallway, thinking again of Rayna and how she’d ditched the crutches to get to her side the night before. It had all happened so fast. She’d just visited her, had just talked to Rayna and then the next day she was dead? How did that happen? She forced a smile to her face for her daughter as she picked up the baby from her crib. “Good morning, Monkey.”

Cadence usually gave a wave in the morning, but she wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck as if she knew Juliette needed a hug.

“Oh, baby girl. Mama needed that. How’d you know I needed some extra loving this morning?” She held her daughter, rocking the baby as she breathed in her sweet smell. “Thank you, sweetheart.” She rocked her for a moment more and changed her diaper before slowly making her way down the hall back to her bedroom. Juliette climbed in bed, putting Cadence in the middle. The baby crawled to her father and rose up on her knees, pounding Avery’s chest with her small hands and calling his name until he opened his eyes.

“Okay, okay.” He put one hand on both of hers, stopping her movements. “Daddy’s awake, Cadence. Don’t beat me.” He ruffled her hair. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m hoping she’ll let us snuggle for a while before we have to get up.” Juliette made Cadence lie down and gave her a stuffed animal to play with. “I don’t feel like facing the day just yet.” She stretched out on the bed, lying on her side so she could prop her head up with her hand. She watched the two of them - Cadence’s chubby hands squished the teddy bear and Avery chuckled lightly.

“Poor little dude,” he said. “You’re mauling his face, baby girl.”

“I love you.” They both looked up at her, eyebrows raised in identical expressions. “You are my world, both of you.” She pressed a kiss to the top of her daughter’s head, then reached over to touch Avery’s face, thumbing the short, coarse hairs on his cheek. “I’m sorry,” she said to him. “I told you that it would have been better if I’d died but I didn’t…I shouldn’t have said that, Avery. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know you didn’t, Juliette.” He moved her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist. “You’re here, babe. That’s all that matters.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also from 3.10 Two-chapter Friday!

Right off, Avery liked Sadie Stone. She had a killer voice, a great laugh and good instincts about music. Working with her was easy. She knew her sound and knew exactly what she wanted her album to be. She was a talker, but luckily the Virginian lilt of her voice was soothing, melodic and talking to her distracted him from thinking about surnames and baby gifts and his awkward relationship with Juliette. Until Sadie brought it up, seemingly out of the blue. One minute she was gabbing about her ex and the unfortunate inspiration for the song they were recording and the next she was asking him about Juliette.

"She just not your girl?"

The question caught him off guard and he tried but couldn't hide his discomfort. No, that wasn't their problem. And no, he didn't want to discuss it.

"It is so hard to be friends with an ex, you know? There's a reason why you break up and it just doesn't go away," she said.

She apologized for speaking out of turn and that was the end of their conversation but her words stuck in his craw for the rest of the afternoon, long after he left the studio. He agreed with her one hundred percent. The fact that Juliette had cheated would never go away. He'd never forget it as much as he wished he could. But he understood Juliette and out of that understanding had come forgiveness.

He knew she hated Jeff - hell, most everybody he knew thought the man was an ass. And he believed her when she explained that she'd done it to hurt herself, to get what she felt she deserved, which was nothing. She didn't think she deserved him. Avery always thought there was a cruel irony in that because to look at them, one would think it was the other way around. She was the star, the one with all the zeros trailing her bank account. He'd been the roadie, the failed musician, the one scraping together tips to take her out to dinner. But none of that mattered to her, just as her past hadn't mattered to him.

After he talked to his mother that night, he was still ruminating on Sadie's words about friendship and then his mother's advice, that his relationship with the baby was more important than anything else. She was right in a way and he knew she was only trying to help. He flipped through the latest baby book she'd mailed to him, wondering why it had to be so damned hard. Juliette was carrying his child. He wanted their daughter to have his last name. He hated their current friendship and even more, hated her sudden peace with it.

And the final, inescapable truth - he was still in love with her.

Maybe it wasn't so complicated after all.

* * *

Not too long afterwards, they were in her hallway and he'd just fumbled through a proposal that probably could have been delivered with much more finesse.

She pulled away from their kiss to ask a very logical question. "Why? I thought you - I don't understand. Why?"

Avery could have listed a hundred reasons. He loved her adorable waddle. He missed putting a smile on her face. He wanted a friendship - a real one like they used to have. He wanted to discuss baby names, _knowing_ their daughter's last would be Barkley. He didn't want to be a guest in her house for a few weeks while they adjusted to life with a baby. He wanted to stay always.

"Because you're my girl, both of you." He answered simply, knowing he had the rest of their lives to show them how much he loved them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the funeral in 5.10. I thiiiiinnnkkk there may be another chapter after this one but I'm not sure. Reviews welcome!

 

 

* * *

Juliette told him she didn't want to view Rayna's body and Avery didn't see any reason to press her on it. She'd been crying throughout the ceremony, wiping her eyes with a tissue until it practically disintegrated in her hand. He knew because he'd had his hand on her thigh throughout, comforting her as she folded, unfolded and refolded the Kleenex in between dabbing her eyes. The brief service had been private and they were to head to the gravesite afterwards.

 

"I can't," she said, glancing out into the aisle as people filed past their pew towards the front of the church.

"It's all right. I'll go up for both of us." He stood at the back of the short line, dreading each step that brought him closer to the casket. He didn't want to see Rayna either but knew it wasn't something you did out of want. Juliette had been by her side in the hospital; if he had to do this for the both of them so be it.

The first funeral he'd attended had been for his paternal grandmother. He'd been young, 7 or 8 and all he remembered is how she'd looked so unlike the warm-hearted woman he'd known. Death had relaxed her features until they were almost unrecognizable. At his grandparent's house later everyone kept saying she looked good. "So peaceful," they said. "Like she was sleeping." To him, she didn't look even the tiniest bit at rest and it'd made his stomach turn to think of her locked up in the casket wearing a mask for a face.

Rayna _did_ look peaceful though, red hair aflame on the white pillow beneath her. Almost as if she was just taking a short nap before a show. As if she'd sit up at any minute and tell them it'd all been a cruel prank. He hadn't expected that and he was both relieved and heartbroken at the same time. Avery sniffed, blinking away the sudden tears that blurred his vision.

Someone cleared their throat behind him and he turned to see Deacon next to him. Avery moved to the side but stayed close. Deacon lowered his hand to the side of the casket, moving slowly as if he thought the mahogany might burn once he set his fingers on it. Avery realized it was the last time for them. The last time Deacon would see his wife in this life. Scarlett appeared on his other side, standing near her uncle but he paid no mind to either of them. He touched Rayna's face, tracing her cheek with his fingers before he leaned over and whispered in her ear. It was an intimate moment, a final exchange between lovers and Avery bowed his head to give them privacy.

Deacon finally turned away from the white casket, shuddering as he took a step and luckily Avery was close enough to catch his arm when his knees buckled. Scarlett was on the other side, crying anew as she slid an arm around his waist. They helped him back to the front pew and Avery returned to his seat, wondering if Juliette had seen any of it but when he got back to her, he didn't even have to ask. One look into her red rimmed eyes and he knew she had.

* * *

Cadence hadn't even stirred when Avery carried her in the house. She whimpered a little as he shuffled her out of her dress and into pajamas, but settled down immediately when he put her in the crib.

Juliette was already in their closet, head tilted to the side as she removed an earring. He rested a hand on her shoulder and pulled the zipper of her dress from her neck to her waist. "Thank you," she murmured, dropping the earrings on a jewelry tray.

They were both quiet; the only sound in the room the rustle of black clothing as they undressed.

"Did she go down okay?" She picked up the dress that had been puddled at her feet and draped it over her arm.

He glanced at her and nodded. "She was tired. It was a long day for her."

"Long day for everybody." She paused by the door, still in her bra and stockings. "I'm gonna take a shower."

"Make it a bath, babe." He set his belt down on the shelf. "I'll join you."

* * *

The water was unreasonably hot. He'd known it would be; that's how she liked it. Juliette would sit in the tub until the bath was lukewarm, any bubbles had long dissolved and her fingers and toes were wrinkled. Usually he'd get out before, when his skin was still ruddy from the heat, but this time he meant to stay with her until she was ready to let the bathtub drain.

She'd nestled in between his legs, her back against his chest as she stretched her legs out in the water. Neither one of them spoke for a long time, both of them content to soak while the water cooled by degrees and listen to the music he'd started playing on his phone before they got in. She moved her head, tickling his nose with one of her buns and he fumbled with her hair, trying to take it down.

"I didn't want to be disrespectful," she finally said. "I just couldn't do it. I want to remember her as she was."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Juliette," he said, moving his hands to the remaining bun. "I think some people need to see the body so they can process but I understand why you didn't want to."

She put her hand in the water, resting it on his thigh and lazily circled his kneecap with a finger. "The last time I talked to Rayna she told me I've changed."

"You have." Her hair was finally down, finally free, and he ran his fingers through the golden strands.

"She said something shook out of me when the plane crashed and she wondered what was gonna shake out of her. I told her it'd be something good. And now…how could anything good come out of this? She's gone. Daphne and Maddie don't have their mama and Deacon…I've never seen him like that."

Avery circled his arms around her waist and kissed the top of her head before resting his chin on her hair. "Baby, I've gotta tell you something." He inhaled a ragged breath before confessing the thought he'd been having all day. "I keep thinking that could have been us. Just a few months ago that was you lying in the hospital bed and I keep…I keep seeing him next to her casket."

The water sloshed as she spun around to face him and she cupped his face with damp hands. "I know." Her eyes mirrored his, shimmering with tears. "I know. I've been thinking about that too but it wasn't us." She shook her head. "This is us, Avery. Right here." She touched her lips to his forehead then his eyelids, his cheeks and the tip of his nose. "Right here, baby," she repeated. "I'm not going anywhere."

Again, Avery buried his fingers in her hair, cradling her head as he kissed her. "I thought I lost you, Juliette. A few times. And all this has made me realize we don't have all the time in the world," he echoed what Gunnar had said earlier. "I want us to live every day of our lives telling each other how we feel before it's too late." He sat up so he was level with her and could meet her eyes. "Let us be the good that comes from this."

She nodded, finally letting her tears fall to her cheeks. "You've always been my something good."

He pulled her into another kiss and she leaned into it, pushing him backwards and slipping her tongue in his mouth. It wasn't enough. He wanted to disappear inside of her. Her wet skin was silk, even warmer than the bathwater and he gripped her hips as she straddled him. Water swirled around them as she rocked her hips and he held on, letting her carry him away.


End file.
